Monday, August 6, 2012

I am a Victoria's Secret Model


I am a Victoria’s Secret Model.
I am America’s Next Top Model.                                    
I am the next American Idol.
I am Top Chef.
I am the next best-selling author.

At least in my head I am.
I’m also a realist and I understand I’m a pear-shaped, shaky soprano, take-out queen.

But in my head I’m a lot of things. That’s where all of my dreams, aspirations, and confidence live, in the conscience of my being. What’s swimming in the depths of your core? What are you dreaming of achieving?

As I’ve aged I’ve realized a few things about dreams. They coincide greatly with your confidence. You are either your worst critic or your best cheerleader. All greatness comes from a core belief inside you, not from your mom, dad, brother, sister, dog, friend, boss, or spouse. It comes solely from you. Do tell me, who is lining your subconscious sideline, a critic or a cheerleader?

Growing up I was teased about my big nose (um, duh, I’m Italian). In high school, I didn’t go to prom. I wasn’t even asked. In college, I was self-conscience about my hips, thighs and butt. I felt bad about myself. And when the many would compliment me, contrary to what the few had critiqued me on, I would brush it off. Because it was easier to believe what the critics would say – because that is what I believed.

And then something happened. Little by little, I built upon the small and fleeting moments of self-love. I contribute a lot of this revelation to maturing and determining that I’m not going to live based on what others think of me. The other part came from the encouraging words of others, being successful in my work, and allowing the real Stephanie to stand up.

Here is how you can begin believing you are more than what you think you are:

1. Accept and believe the compliments you receive. When someone decides to say something of a complimentary nature, it is downright rude of you not to accept it. So be polite and say thank you. Most people are trained to challenge or argue compliments. Who taught you that? Didn’t your mother teach you better than that? Don’t discount their compliment because of your own self-doubt. Instead build upon it. When you start with a thank you and focus on what they have told you, you will begin to build up your own self-confidence.
2. Write down self-love affirmations. These are things that you love about yourself. Come on, you’re sexy and you know it! Your job is to capture these and write them down. Just like goals, it’s easier to believe something when it’s written down. You don’t have to share these with anyone, BUT you do need to share them with yourself. Capture the thoughts, dreams, and aspirations that are in the corners of your heart and head. The thoughts you believe others would find you insane, for these are the real gems.
3. Ignore the critics. It’s not easy, but it is necessary to build your self-confidence. It may sting at first, but the best response is to treat the critic just like the cheerleader and say “thank you.” However, instead of accepting it, dismiss it. Easier said than done, I know. But it’s necessary. You are not living your life for anyone other than you. Once you realize this truth, you will break free from the chains of criticism.
4. Encourage others. You will in turn encourage yourself. If you want to build up your own self-belief, self-confidence, and self-love, start by building someone else’s. The positive words you speak to others will start to creep into your own subconscious, challenging you to believe more in yourself. Try it out. The worst that can happen is you help someone. Would that be so terrible?

These days I see my nose as a symbol of my heritage. I’m embracing my pear assets. And I believe it when someone tells me I’m beautiful. I believe it, because I, internally with all of who I am, truly believe it. Now where’s the runway?

I’m your Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista. How may I help you help yourself?

Stephanie Melish, one of the few, hand-selected, Gitomer-Certified Speakers is the ONLY Double-Tall, Non-Fat, No-Whip Sales Barista in the world! Stephanie trains, sells, and speaks to companies and associations all over the country. To book Stephanie for your next event, please visit www.GitomerCertified.com or contact the friendly folks at Buy Gitomer via email at hirestephanie@gitomer.com or by calling 704-333-1112.

31 comments:

  1. As the father of a 16 year-old I appreciated your story. My daughter is beautiful but sluffs off the compliments and focuses on the imperfections. It's a challenge as a parent to get kids to accept truthful compliments with humility but I believe it's worth the effort otherwise they'll never learn. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Funny, my first thought when I read this was "my girls need to see this." Brian, I hope you'll share this with your daughter. If I tried to tell my 15 and 12 year olds this, they'd roll their eyes at me. However, coming from Stephanie, they might actually believe it. As for accepting compliments graciously, that's hard to do but I'm getting better at it, and it's working.

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    2. Happy you both find this valid enough to share with your daughters!

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    3. Great article, Stephanie. Self-affirmation, confidence, and belief in oneself is so critical to realizing dreams. Continued success in all you do!

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  2. I have to disagree with the idea of ignoring your critics. Take them with a grain of salt, but never simply dismiss them. If you do, you will miss chances to improve yourself.

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    1. Justin, thank you for making this point. I was making the point that you should ignore critics who focus on things that you can not change. Just because someone makes comments about my nose, doesn't mean I should take the chance to improve it through plastic surgery. I believe strongly in constructive criticism. I do not believe in allowing people who personally attack you have a place in your thoughts.

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    2. The CEO of my company has a saying along these lines that is easy to remember in the face of personal attacks: "If you don't respect me, you don't affect me.

      I agree with everyone here who thought of their daughters. Mine are 12 and 6. I'll be sharing this with them. Thanks, Stephanie! You are beautiful!

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  3. You are beautiful! Thanks for sharing.

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  4. Great article. You've helped me think of some serious issues that I had in my head, ill follow your steps and hopefully I can overcome these issues. Thank you.

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    1. Would love to hear if you make any progress! Keep me updated.

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  5. So true, Stephanie! You're right about dreams - they definitely do coincide with confidence. I will be back to your blog! ;-)

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  6. Great stuff Stephanie. I have been making it a habit lately of complimenting people I come across throughout my day and am amazed at what a strong positive vibe doing so creates.

    Also, I believe I met you at a Gitomer conference and you are gorgeous. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

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  7. Great article! I have always found joy and self confidence in giving others compliments. They go a long way for the recepient, me and making me more likeable hence making it more likely people will want to do business with me (people will buy from who they like). Win, win, win situation.

    Keep up the great work Stephanie and stay beautiful inside and out.

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  8. This reminds me of the planned alter ego. Before Beyonce gets on stage, she internally becomes 'Sasha Fierce,' and rocks her inner greatness. Because even if she can't be fabulous, she can always play someone who is fabulous...and soon, that begins to bleed over into who you really are.

    'Fake it till you make it' is a great way to start allowing those moments of self-love to come through your outer defenses.

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  9. Very relatable. I will pass on!

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  10. It is truly amazing how we let other people decide how we feel about ourselves. I think you hit this right on the head. We have to realize our own inner beauty as a person and helping others to do so helps us as well. Confidence, grace, inner and outer beauty go hand-in-hand. Awesome blog Stephanie! I will be back.

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  11. Another excellent article. You should send this off to some magazines and websites that cater to a young female demo. As others have mentioned -- this is a message that can't be delivered often enough to that audience.
    ~Don The Idea Guy
    http://www.dontheideaguy.com

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  12. Thank you ALL for all of the kind words and compliments!

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  13. Stephanie I just wanted to thank you for this article I have been having some serious life issues over the last two years and actually I have had self confidence and self image issues for 43 years after readingyour article howeverI see a light at the end of the tunnel LOL you are absolutely right I cannot accept compliments because of the few horrible comments from the few horrible people who are not happy with themselves so have tried to hurt me with their wordsbut I now know I am Beautiful inside and out and I am going to folow some of your tips to keep on improving. Keep up the good work!!!

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  14. Great article Stephanie!

    I agree. You have to be your own best cheerleader. I never thought I'd become a best-selling author, but I worked hard, cheered myself on and fought for my book. Once I believed in my heart that I could do it, I activated the elements my "self-love" that would inspire me to achieve my goal.

    A résumé is another place you'll need self-confidence. You must tell a prospective employer exactly how your best qualifications have prepared you for the job. Don't be shy about showcasing your achievements. In a way, it's like writing down your work-related "self-love affirmations."

    I teach people that a résumé should be full of !@#$%, which I call the Signs of a Great Résumé. One of the Signs is "!" which means you should include your "Best!" accomplishments - things that would make a recruiter say "Wow!" It's then important to explain @ what points you gained relevant experience and quantify your achievements with #, $ and %.

    When you've shown yourself some "self-love" and you fill your résumé with lots of !@#$%, your résumé will speak for itself and you'll earn an interview.

    Thanks for sharing, Stephanie!

    -Scott!
    www.ScottVedder.com
    www.facebook.com/authorscottvedder

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  15. You go, girl!
    Jesus said to love others as you love yourself, but you gotta start by loving yourself first! God loves you so much he gave his only son to save you, so you are worth that price. We all are! We just gotta believe it.
    Love, Jeanne

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  16. This really hits home at a really great time. I have a six year old Girl. Beautiful Green eyes and dark hair. She is just starting to really recognize her feelings and trying to interpret what other people are thinking. Not to mention her mother and I are divorcing..I will read this to her at night and give her a copy and post on her wall. Stephanie, Please any other columns or comments about growing up positive is welcomed. Hey Sales Barista, You do a Great job..

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  17. I really liked your article Stephanie. It reminded me of a picture that I once downloaded from the internet that showed the view from the top of a suspension bridge. Far below you could see the ocean, and very, very tiny cars. The caption at the bottom of the picture read "Think highly of yourself, for the world will take you at your own estimation!"

    I am glad that you found the courage and discernment to listen to your own cheerleader and make better choices for yourself, and that you are encouraging others to do the same. Bravo!

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  18. Stephanie, You are one of my favorite writers. I love your fourth point - to encourage others and then you will encourage yourself too. Awesome. Love your style, girl!

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  19. @Amy Hagerup - Thank You! Appreciate you taking the time to comment and encourage. My Best!

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